“No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I heard from My Father I have made known to you.”
John 15:15 NKJV
The word of God really is active and living. John 15:1-17 is exactly what I need to hear right now. These past few days have run me down. Or maybe it’s an accumulation of fatigue from all the weeks previous. Either way, I am exhausted. All the inconvenience of living with sixty some people is starting to get to me. My inner monologue is labored with questioning and bitterness. I find myself wondering why I am living here in Antigua, Guatemala. Why am I subjecting myself to the authority of Potter’s Field? How does everyone else do it? Why are there only two washers? Will I ever have a warm shower again? Can I please just sleep? Will this sunburn go with me to the grave? Will I ever be caught up on homework? The flesh is indeed weak. I can no longer minister by it. My attitude is atrocious. I am failing to love my brothers and sisters. And then I read this passage. God speaks clearly to me, and all of my complaint slides away. I sit back, ashamed of my shallowness and listen as He says “of course you are exhausted. Of course you are failing. You can accomplish nothing by your own power. You need me and you have not asked for me. Do you remember what you experienced last weekend? Even this morning and afternoon? Have you already forgotten the joy that was wrought from loving all those children? The peace that was brought in ministering to them? That is why you are here, to allow me to use you. You are not my servant, you are my friend. I don’t need you, but because I love you I want you to be a part of my work. I want to bless you and let you be a blessing. So come back to me. Return to what matters. Let me be your rest. All you need to do is to ask.”
It’s astounding how comforting and convicting the word can be at the same time. He has convicted me of not loving him and doing things in my own strength. He has informed me that I need to be filled with his spirit in order to accomplish anything else: that I’ve reached the end of my carnal might. My next step must be to admit my complete and utter dependence on Him and to ask for His spirit, his strength. Thankfully He is also comforting me. He has invited me once again to dwell always in His presence and find my rest in Him. I will do so by visiting and meditating on Psalm 139 until I have memorized verses 23 and 24, because as of late they have always refreshed me.